Ranch Wife- “Living the Dream” as a Ranger Driver

I am a ranch wife and mother.
I am an assistant when the job gets tough.
I am a supporter when the job gets stressful.
I am a do-er when the job is tedious.
I am the cheerleader when the competition begins.
I am the heart when the job is emotional.
I am the marketer when the job needs promoted.
I am the cook when the crew gets hungry.

I am the Ranger Driver when the horse isn’t saddled.
I am the Ranger Driver when the gates need opened ahead of the herd.
I am the Ranger Driver when the buckets need hauled.
I am the Ranger Driver when cows need lead.
I am the Ranger Driver when the mud is too deep for men riding horses in cowboy boots to get the gates.

I am a ranch wife, a mother and a Ranger driver.

I am the queen of the ranch and this is my kingdom.
My royal slippers are Muck boots and my jeweled crown is a stocking hat.

The Oldest Trick in The Book

We’ve all seen the social media posts, the memes and even the t-shirts referencing gate opening being classified as a “prestigious” chore on a farm or ranch. Ride along in the truck to feed cattle, anticipating spending quality time together, how romantic?

But in reality, you’ve just fallen for the oldest trick in the book. You were invited so the driver doesn’t have to get the gates.

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Even a Queen Can be Fooled

I’m ashamed to say, but just the other day, I fell for a new one. Add another trick to the “book”. I was the recipient of the “Ranger Driver” award.

The Fantasy

I felt a flutter of emotions as I was asked along to move and sort the cattle herds. It was a little cool, and I haven’t ridden my horse for a while, so I was relieved to be assigned the Ranger as my ride.

No cold hands from holding the reins, no cold toes from cowboy boots, no fears of my horse slipping in the mud or spooking at a cow’s bluff- only the steering wheel and 4 wheel drive at my command.

Little did I realize, I had drawn the short straw.

The Task

The task sounded simple: 3 cattle herds were becoming 4 and everything was switching pastures. We had a plan, 3 cowboys, 3 broke horses, 1 ranch wife, and 1 Ranger. What could go wrong?

Honestly nothing went wrong. It was just one job after another. One more bucket to feed. One more gate to open or close. One foot in front of the other- in boots each covered in 5 pounds of mud.

The Mud

Missouri after a large snow followed by a warm up is nothing but MUD. Pens and fields don’t contain just any mud, but lots of sticky clay, mixed with every animals’ excrement, dotted with water puddles, created from melting snow, building run off and yes, more animal biproducts.

Walking through the mud can be a challenge in itself. Don’t slip. Don’t fall. Don’t lose a boot. Don’t pull a muscle. Don’t drop anything.

Add in the art of dodging hungry cattle. Packing 5 gallon buckets of feed. Maneuvering and swinging a gate. Moving at a record pace while 3 cowboys watch, wait and analyze your progress.

The Excuse

I’m sure they wanted to dismount and help, but they just couldn’t- with their cowboy boots and spurs of course- can’t get them caked with mud.

The Result

The tasks got completed as darkness fell. Success on a ranch.

All in an evening’s work.

The Kicker

One thing about the Ranger- when I was done, all I had to do was park it and turn off the key. No unsaddling for me- just drug myself to the hydrant to rinse off my boots and headed in the house…

…To make supper!

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